To the happiness of love

There were clutches pulling her down, she struggled to remain on her feet,  societal norms blowed over heavily. But he held her hand strong n steady, watching her,  bracing the storms himself. She looked up, she rose up. In his support she found her strength. Proud of his belief she set flight n he was the wind beneath her wings,  as comrades they flew together building a beautiful life as equals,  as friends n as a family. 

A letter to mom

Ma there was so much to tell you.  Six years that we have spent far away frim each other.  So many many hours worth of stories.  No apps or calls or photos calm my heart.  I graduated.  There was a book they published with my name on it. Your short visit just passed by.  I didn't get to sit and just live with you.  Probably never will.  Just cant accept the separation is forever.  It cant be.  But we met after a year.  Maybe the distance is forever.
Maybe we live separate lives.  I never knew growing up is about growing away.
I love you mommy.

To someone I loved & now just respect!!

Everytime we saw those awareness shows shunning caste and creed, highlighting discrimination and inequalities, there were responses that suggested your shunning of these evils too. Hence I grew up associating the same with the less educated, the less privileged living in the rural nowheres in India. You have proven me wrong.

I have grown up now to see beyond the hypocrisies of the sophisticated societies. You shun the evils and term them rural. But you kill your daughters just as well. (80% of female foeticides in India happen in cities, the rural folk just concentrat on the next one). Yours is a world shrouded in a glittering cover up. Yours is a world with dual meanings, where business meets mingle with pleasure, where five stars hotels shroud many screams, where a few pictures of Gandhiji empowers you to kill his teachings. Yours is a busy world, when you cant pause to hear beyond her "hello", when you cannot bother to know she needs anything more than the amount you send, when you donot bother to know if it gonna be good night after you have said so.

If this is civilization I rather choose to be in the jungles than such cities.

When I did not learn print design

Going through a lot of old files I found these, once very prized works of "art" now lies beneath a years worth of dust. 

Instructions were to make thematic "designs" / "prints" by material manipulation.

The Aim of the exercise was to open our minds to think beyond the concepts, I believe. Not too successful with me at any rate. But I still cant understand the purpose of using fevicol, burnt effect over it, marbling (practically anything under the sun) to make prints. Half these prints cannot possibly be printed on fabric and for the ones that can actually be replicated, i have not so far seen any industry encouraging such means of designing. So, while my age old debate with the system will continue. let me explain the concept down here.

Many theme boards, mood boards, bored boards, tantrums later I did pass the module. But I was then a textile designer who couldnt make a design on fabric. Many explanations and justifications later, I failed the interview!!

To an estranged brother who hated her husband

Hello there little brother, she said
I know you wont read this , she cried, that's precisely why I write.

For all these years in many occasions and situations I wrote to you, each time remembering the first letter in the broken hand that you had written to me. I still have it tucked somewhere, buried in the layers of time among everything else. You never replied I still wrote, thinking no replies meant different than not caring. I had had my doubts but they told me blood was thicker than water, then they told me distance had nothing to do with relations. I agreed

Today I disagree. Today I refuse to believe that you love me, I dont know if you ever did. Its natural isn't it not to care much since we have never really known each other, since we have always lived apart. But you know I wrote, I got at most one liners but I wrote. But they told me that's not how it works you are family and family loves!! I believed again. I never expected but only believed. Now my belief is shattered. You indifference I would have been prepared for. But not for hatred.

I donot understand how can you so much hate some one you donot know, you never bothered to understand, you never replied to. Its a difference in values and ideals in life, but there shouldn't be such a difference in willingness to love!

Its expected of me to love you unconditionally even when you are indifferent and cold. But it is not correct for me to associate with and love someone who is warm and affectionate? No you are wrong!! Donot think of discarding me from the family, I refuse your world of pretense and falsehood!! I refuse to believe in what they say anymore. I choose to believe in love beyond the precincts of castes, class, systems and blood!!

Starry yet lonely

Thats the night tonight, I have a million stars and yet nobody..... Its strange how soon one can make another one so much a part of their lives, unconsciously.
Life is then a melody the rhythm of which is lost at the absence of the other....
Come back home soon 

Greater Good??

There's the one person who made you dream... and the other who made you live those dreams... Who is the greater good?

You gave me the wings and taught me how to fly, a wretched me just had to fly into the waiting wings of another, but you never did fly up yourself to any claims .... No blame games here, i take the liability.... And so i flew, high and higher , leaving you where we had started.... Forgotten and forlorn....
If i can fly its because of you, If I can love its because you taught me well... but now i fly in another's wake, asleep to all agony ... So who is the greater good??
This is no fair comparison.... Whatever my present happiness is, it's because of you. I have denied you a lot in life but no matter what I cant deny that you were the wind beneath my wings... But every flight has a destination, I seem to have landed on mine... and I cant go backwards anymore....

You are and always be the best. All the best.

withering wings

tonight a wounded woman sighs, she has been silly not to have heeded the learned elders. to have defied her entity for a him probably not worth the effort. She had been silly to have "expected" "they" would be different from all others... thats one realisation you have after staring at an empty expectant door frame for an hour. To hope that "we" would make it good together was a mistake so now is the time to correct it. You were my final one, no more of the nonsense getting me any more tears there's too much in my head already.  Am no spider to try 17 times... I donot have it good with martians somehow.. Try me I am serious.. Dont you dare mention 'u' and 'me' in the same sentence ever

Cut out the teardrops

Tonight I wish nothing better than to scream out loud , to cry to my hearts desire, with no liabilities of answering to the whys... And yet a part of me is do its best to curb the cry to stream the tears... But the one move that might have saved the strain lies sound asleep, unperturbed by the storms beside... Still never would i wish of him to break into the solace and yet i need for him to restore mine... trying off to doze this one away .. lost the touch , been quite sometime since i had restless nights ... dweet dreams

Picture perfect???

Once again as i enter into that turbulent phase... the uncertainty, the chaos, the heartbreak and the tears..... Its when you  don't like the person you live with ... but its not as if i don’t really like her... anyways so it’s the no-talking time once again and only then do you probe into the past… the bad part and all the issues u cud ever dig up shows fort… but I would rather reflect on the good parts … To dwell on dreams does you no good, to make wishes in the air does you no good. If only I had bothered to do so, if only we could have had another end to our story , or have no end really … well that does no good either… But what is done is done now the die is cast and somehow I gotta live through it, Tonight I recall my first roommate, through the homesickness, the tears and the naivety she had lived it with me, probably wouldn’t have survived the world outside my cocoon without you sweetheart… 

Before there was you

If only i could settle for the movies, and books and the other numerous what-nots., it would be a perfectly happy night...What do i do with the space i create to give you some for your own?? If only i could do sumthing about it it would be a perfect happy night... Was asked to do what i did before there was you.. how do i explain i remember it not.what to do

You Should Know ....

It matters
It matters more or less but it always does matter. What you say and all that you miss out. , what you see and all that escapes your notice, what you recognize and all that you ignore. In good ways or bad, for better or worse it matters

Sleeping Beauty

He sleeps soundly, he sleeps like a baby. All he doesat the momentis sleep & sleep and sleep, Apparently oblivious to the invisible dreamsthat capture the watching thoughts.Watching overthe thought crosses what is it inbetween ? invisible yet compelling. Is it just me or does it really feels so in the other head too? And still he sleep loking ever so vulnerable and pristine, docile and fragile.

The true Nature of tonight

Something in the air tonight tells me , with each wavering of that leaf , lift lift lift up your spirits. For tomorrow will be a new day, better than before. Not that today was bad either, only tomorrow might be just better.So dear sleep be elusive no more, let this be the days end. With high hopes i sleep tonight knowing that i am expecting what ought not be anticipated.

On my desk tonight

Are my glasses, the ringing cellphone, the old pen, an unopened pack of snacks, a very much opened pack with the ash and lighter, well drained teacups, hair pins and jars of nail paint…

Guessing what I have been upto? Want me to reconsider? Oh no I so love tonight, a night well spent.

Not all nights have shining stars. My moon might have gone missing for tonight…but tomorrow will be a new day, an echo to my unyielding and seeking cry for him – my moon. That shall get me him, back home beyond the horizon, back to discovering me.

Good night

Everyone is losing

Me. Don’t you get it that inch per inch, banished to my sole star, I drift! Perhaps everyone resides upon a star of their own make. It seems I have spent long enough sharing a bit of all of yours. Fitting time it was since I put together one for my own.

Lost within me, self contained I dwell upon this planet, that’s my own world. Fashioned to my wishes, fostered by hopes, cultivated with dreams – this is all mine. No foray, no assaults, no command to rule it through. I live as I may, I do as I please, I act what I would, I dream what I might…

Seated far away flickering away into the night.